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The pressure of being in a relationship can feel overwhelming to
someone living with depression. When you’re struggling with
an illness that makes you tired, sad, and generally uninterested in
life, often the last thing on your mind are the needs of others.
Equally frustrating and emotionally draining is trying to maintain
a relationship with someone who’s depressed. It’s
hurtful and confusing when loved ones increasingly isolate
themselves, pull away, and reject others’ efforts to help.
All of these feelings and reactions can damage relationships,
whether they’re with spouses, partners, children, or
friends.
Each year, depression affects an estimated 19 million Americans
and countless numbers of loved ones. It can test even the most
secure of relationships. The good news is that depression is very
treatable and by taking the appropriate steps to combat the
illness, your relationship can survive.
Steps to Overcome Depression and Keep
Your Relationship Healthy
- The most important step toward successful recovery is to seek
treatment. With the appropriate combination of "talk" therapy and
medication, people with depression can achieve remission (virtual
elimination) of symptoms and reconnect with life and with
relationships.
If you’re experiencing symptoms
of depression :
- Share your feelings with others as much as possible. Your
reluctance to talk about how you feel only creates distance between
you and your loved ones. It’s especially important to keep
the lines of communication open during trying times.
- Let your partner know that you still find him or her
attractive. An affectionate touch and a few reassuring words can
mean a lot, even if you don’t feel inclined toward more
intimate relations.
- Consider couples or family counseling. Your willingness to talk
about your relationship and how it may be affected by depression
speaks volumes to family members and loved ones about their
importance in your life.
- Keep working toward recovery. Today’s treatment options
make that more realistic than ever.
- To resolve all your symptoms, a combination of medication and
“talk” therapy may be recommended. Your physician will
help you determine the right levels of medication and how long you
should stay on them.
If you’re in a
relationship with someone experiencing depression:
- Remember, your role is to offer support and encourage your
loved one to seek professional help. Encourage your partner not to
settle for partial improvement and explain that with the right
treatment, people with depression can regain their lives.
- Although you may be prepared to do anything and everything to
help, don’t try to take over the life of someone who is
depressed. Your loved one may seem overwhelmed, incapable, or
frustrated, but you can’t reconstruct his or her life.
- Give advice in the form of options. For example, recommend a
physician for your partner to see or suggest support groups you
think may be a step toward alleviating his or her symptoms.
- Remember that depression is a real illness that should be taken
seriously. Don’t belittle the person by saying things such as
“Snap out of it,” “Get over it” or
“Everyone feels down now and then.” Try your best to
understand the illness.
- Recognize that depression is not rational. It is painful to be
rejected, scorned, or ignored, but this may be how your loved one
responds to your efforts to help.
- Care for yourself. Carve out time to pursue your own interests
and to socialize even when your partner can’t join you. You
might also want to consider seeking individual counseling.
For more information
Contact your local Mental Health Association or
National Mental
Health Association
2001 N. Beauregard Street, 12th Floor
Alexandria, VA 22311
(800) 969-NMHA
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